The Name Change

There are two common questions one receives shortly after getting married. The first is, “Are you going to change your name?” and the second is, “When are you going to have kids?”. Actually, I was asked both of those questions months before we got married, but that’s beside the point.

Ignore the winter man hands, please...

Ignore the winter man hands, please…Just focus on the pretty rings.

The name issue has been on my mind a lot lately. Why? Well, my passport expires in 1 month. So I either do the easy renewal process and keep my name for the next X years, or I do the full application now (as in, “I’ve never had a passport before” kind of application). After, of course, changing my driver’s license, care card and sin card. Can I get all that done in a month? Not likely.

In an ideal world, I’d change my name to use both last names. But that requires a full legal name change. Which is expensive, and requires surrendering my birth certificate. It means I have to give up my last name retroactively. And more than anything else, that bothers me. I did not spend my whole life waiting for this marriage, and it is just one part of my life. But I either have to give up my past, or keep my last name and have multiple last names in our little family, or take his last name now. What kind of choices are those?

It’s time for a change, oh big government. It’s time for people to be able to easily use both legal names after marriage. Also, it’s time for you to have a unified government body to help us with these changes, because honestly it’s looking like at least 6 months to get all this done. Not too excited about that.

I’m not left with many choices. I have 2 priorities here: one is to share at least half of my last name with my husband and future children, and the other is to not waste a year of my life and give up a big chunk of my past to do so.

Currently, I am inclined to legally take my husbands name, and in all non-official capacities, use both last names. But I must admit, half of me just wants to keep my last name because I don’t want to go through the gigantic hassle of changing it. However, the other half of me knows that isn’t a good enough reason not to do it.

Wish me luck?

Did you or your spouse change your name after marriage? Why or why not?

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Why I Will Never Be a Mrs.

We’re in the middle of a move and nearly all of my craft and baking accoutrements are packed away. Bereft of material for a blog post, I am left with only one option: sharing one of my own personal viewpoints. So, I present you with:

Mrs. vs Ms.

It comes down to equality (not feminism!). If a man is a Mr. when he comes of age, why is a woman only a Mrs. when she gets married? Is a woman lesser if she never gets married? I don’t think so. I would expect my friends and colleagues to respect me equally whether I am married or not. So why is the distinction necessary?

The truth is, about a year ago, I stopped filling in Miss as my “salutation” and began choosing “Ms” instead. As a self-sufficient woman in my mid-twenties, I don’t really qualify as a “Miss” anymore. I’m old. Not ancient, but definitely getting up there. I have “life experience”, and I want people to treat me like I do, not just because I am or am not married.

The weirdest part is that this issue was always something my mom was vehement on. She was a feminist at heart, so I always thought she was being a bit overzealous and brushed it off. But as I approach marriage myself, I find myself understanding more and more her point of view. And embracing it. Truth be told, I don’t know if I would if she was still with us. It’s funny how we fight becoming our parents when they’re alive, but when they’re gone, we struggle to capture their essence in a permanent way.

So when I get married, no matter what my last name becomes, I will be a Ms. And before I get married, I will still be a Ms. Because I deserve to be judged by more than my marital status.